Why Girls Compare Their New Dude To Their Old Dude

Reasons girls compare their current boyfriends to their ex-boyfriends


The Eagles sing “Love Will Keep Us Alive.” And while this is one of my favorite songs, romantic relationships need much much more than love to keep them alive. They require maintenance, nurturing and other components that we aren’t always too ready for.

I can honestly say I have experienced great love in my life. I have felt the intense love, the spontaneous love and even the turbulent love. I have had the relationship you weren’t quite ready for and the love you never saw coming. Each love has taught me a lot about myself and for that I am grateful. Each love has also taught me to never dare compare.

With great love comes great responsibility, and sometimes even great consequence. When you love someone, you refuse to let them go and this sometimes leads to arguments. We want our partners to be on the same page as us but that is not always the case. If it were, well, we would be dating ourselves, now wouldn’t we?

So why is it that in the middle of an argument with a new dude I oftentimes compare him to the old dude? I never mean to, it just happens. I think long and hard about how old dude would have never done or said that. What once was begins to hold so much more promise.

I believe girls compare the new dude to the old dude because love can literally lead to insanity. When we feel threatened, we often retreat to what was once so familiar. Healthy or not. Old dude doesn’t seem so bad once new dude exhibits some new flaws you have never experienced before.

I try to be the best version of myself with new dude but I sometimes punish new dude for things the old dude did. It is not his fault someone hurt me so deeply. It is not his fault somebody said the wrong thing in the worst way. It is not new dude’s fault old dude made me second guess myself time and time again.

I think I can’t help but sometimes compare new dude to old dude because of the fact that old dude was so horrible to me. I see any similarities between old dude and new dude as red flags. Differences are welcomed, but only if they work in my favor. If new dude is doing something “better” than old dude, then I am okay with that. But if new dude is failing at something old dude always excelled at, then something must be terribly wrong with me. Did I pick the wrong dude?!

The truth is, I hope to never be hurt again and I do this by analyzing patterns of relationships past. I am stronger in my convictions with new dude because old dude did me so wrong. I am harder on new dude, because, well, he should know better. Is this mentality always fair? No. Is it realistic or productive? No.

Emotional scars are not fun to revisit. And while this is true, we shouldn’t blame new dudes for things old dudes did just because they triggered us to remember past pain in some way, shape or form.

Just because new dude shares similarities with old dude that doesn’t mean new dude is the spawn of Satan. At the end of the day, dudes are dudes. They aren’t always going to get it right, they are always going to read our minds, but new dude should at least be trying his best.

Oh, and one more thing, if something new dude does hurts you, make sure to let him know. Even though you might not want to always tell him exactly why, you might want to just give him a heads up so he doesn’t hurt you the same way old dude did. While there are no guarantees in love, communication can definitely make it less likely to get hurt so deeply or so often.

How You Can Really Fake It ‘Till You Make It

fake it 2

I have always heard the phrase “Just fake it ’till you make it.” I never understood what this meant nor did I care to. I thought, why should I fake anything in life? That’s just so stupid! If I am going to be anyone in life, I better know what the heck I am talking about, I thought.

At 20 something years old, I finally get this phrase is not as stupid as it once sounded to me. How is it really possible to fake it till you make it then?

It’s really quite simple. If you think something strongly enough, it will manifest within your life in some form or another. If you have a bad morning and you tell yourself, “OMG! I HATE THIS DAY! It’s just going to be the worst day ever.” Guess what? I promise you, it will become the worst day ever. Is it bad luck? No, I truly believe nothing is coincidence. You can manifest a bad day just by giving off that negative energy to the universe.

If you think to yourself, “I will never have enough money,” you probably never will. This is all because of the power of your mind. The thoughts we tell ourselves on a daily basis are what we will manifest throughout our lives. This goes for positive, negative or even thoughts of uncertainty.

Just the other day, I told myself, “Money will come to me, I am worthy of money.” Yesterday, I received a $1,000 check in the mail. Yes, It was real, and yes, it was written out to me. I just deposited it! All I had to do was change my attitude regarding money and bam! It literally came in the mail.

So, you can fake it till you make it! You can tell yourself you are the best artist in the world and you can become it. You can tell yourself you are going to be the best mom in the world and you will try your very best at all times. Our minds are much more powerful than we give them credit. If we immerse ourselves in what we love and think of ourselves to the highest degree, we can literally make anything we will come true.

The Secret To Healing

How You Can Forever Change Your Life

spiritual healer

I once thought my mom could heal me. I then thought a Doctor could heal me. Now, I think a therapist might be able to heal me. And while all these entities might have been able to “heal” me at different stages in my life, the truth of the matter is only one person can truly heal me.

I went to see a spiritual healer on Friday. I was just a bit reluctant because I had never met this person before. Could it be possible that they could heal me of all my pains and troubles? I thought long and hard before realizing that I haven’t felt pain in an extremely long time. So what would this healer even do for me? Were they going to just make me perfect once and for all?

I walked in the door and felt an extreme feeling of comfort. It was as though I had met this healer person before. They handed me a cup of tea and told me to stay for a while. I looked into their eyes and just knew I would learn a lot during this meeting.

I still wasn’t convinced of anything until this healer explained what they did. “I am only here to help you on this journey we call life. I do not provide miracles but I will tell you what I do provide. I provide insight into yourself in order for you to become the very best version of yourself. Everything we do here is 100% you not me,” they explained.

The healer opened me up like a book. Remember when I said I hadn’t felt any pain in a while? Well, I began feeling the pain from wounds revisited once I sat down with the healer. They dug deep down into my heart and found a pain and sadness I had even forgot existed.

Energies vibrated, words were spoken, and all of a sudden I saw myself clearer than I ever had before. I saw myself for the strong human being I had become over the years. The healer told me I was one of the few people who truly loved myself. They said I struggled to feel love and appreciation from others but that I didn’t struggle with finding all of that within myself. I smiled at her and realized the only person that could ever truly heal me was myself.