The Purpose of Disease

sick,girl,mom,child,disease,purpose,love,unite,togetherWhen I was little, my mom would take care of me when I was sick. She would make me mexican chicken stew and hug me until I was better.

Now that I am 20 something, things have changed. I have to look out for myself most times and I don’t have my mom bringing me nutrients in bed at the sign of the slightest cold.

As adults, we don’t usually have our moms around to magically make it better. It is up to us to create that same warmth and love our parents did when those around us get sick.

As we grow up, more and more people will get sick. Some will make it, others wont. We will endure pain because we hate to see those we love in pain. It will make us mad and angry and question everything around us.

So what is the purpose of disease? Why do people have to get sick?

It is easy to get mad at whatever you believe in when someone you love is sick. It is easy to blame external factors and/or circumstance. It is easy to feel resentment everyday that you walk the earth because you or a loved one is sick.

But you know what isn’t easy? To look at the good disease does. The true purpose of disease. Disease brings people together. Disease makes people forget arguments and past transgressions. Disease makes everyone think twice about their past mistakes. Disease makes people hold each other tighter and hug a little bit longer.

I used to think disease was this ugly animal. It wasn’t until I started reading Facebook posts written by the mother of Kylie, a toddler who was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, that I realized disease is not entirely negative or disastrous.

As I have watched her journey as a mother, I see she has gone one of the greatest pains–the loss of a child. I know no day is easier than the last for this mother who had disease take over her baby girl.

I also see this fierceness in her because of what she has overcome. I see a woman who was able to go on by writing her story and sharing it with the world. She has thousands of followers and people thanking her for helping them not feel so alone on their own painful journeys.

Disease is not pretty. Disease is definitely painful. Although this is true, disease can also create so much love. It can bring people together in ways they never thought possible. It can make individuals stronger. It can unite groups that usually have deep rifts dividing them. It can bring families closer together, but also tear them apart.

It is up to us to define the true purpose of disease. I am choosing to view disease as a chance to love harder. I am choosing to view disease as an obstacle that will only make me stronger. I am choosing to view disease as a chance for humanity to step up and stand together stronger than ever before.

Disease is painful yet miraculous. Choose love when faced with disease.

Am I Ready To Die?

death, died, dying, dead, friend, present, future, past, truth, reality, ready, love, life

Okay, so my title seems a little morbid, I know. I just watched Kristen Stewart’s movie, Personal Shopper, and really got to thinking about this question. Like my last post said, I just recently found out about the untimely death of someone from my past.

I have dealt with death of grandparents and older relatives but this time it seems much different. Much more personal. After watching this chilling movie about connecting with people after they pass, I really started wondering why the death of an old friend seems so different from all the other deaths I have dealt with.

What’s the difference? I have lost two great friends as a result of their own demise. They have both directly, or indirectly, ended their lives by their own hands. Not only that, but they have done it at a very young age. My age. It could have been me, that’s the difference.

I now understand the reality of it all. Physical existence is finite. Every day I can breathe is a choice and a chance. I might actually not make it ’till tomorrow. My two dear friends didn’t. And here we all were thinking they were happy on this journey and nothing could stand in the way of their promising future.

So, am I ready to die? Is death even something to fear? In the Personal Shopper movie they pose the question of whether the living are more alone than the dead. After really thinking about it, I am not quite sure.

I cried when I heard my friends passed on, but is what they underwent really more painful than life on earth? Should I turn my attitude around and celebrate that they both reside in a happier place where matter is nonexistent?

If I left this earth tomorrow would I be happy with what I left behind? Did I love enough? Did I forgive enough? Did I have fun enough? Did I smile at all the right people? Did I explore all the places I was meant to explore?

Of course, I can’t say anyone can really be ready for death. Not the living or even the dead. I can, however, say one thing. The death of those my age really hits home and makes me realize I must be the best version of myself today.

There’s no need to hold grudges or be upset about mundane things. I must love wholeheartedly as if tomorrow is not promised. I must call my mom and dad just to say, “I love you. Thank you for loving me.”

I must make this earth beautiful for generations to come. And while I hope to have a husband and kids one day, that is not promised. I might never become that version of myself so I must love the version I am today. I must not rush to get to the future because there might not be much of it left.

Today is the future I dreamed of yesterday and I must treasure it above all else. The love in my heart is something I must be thankful for everyday that I am granted on this physical earth.

Tomorrow might not come, but right now is happening as we speak. Let’s make right now the best moment by being the best versions of ourselves. Let’s live like we are ready to die. Or, better yet, let’s live like there are no limits.

What Goes Through Your Head When Someone Dies…


Last night, I was sitting on my couch winding down after a long day. I had a cup of tea in hand and was just about ready to go to bed. I couldn’t help wonder about someone from my past.

It had been days since the initial thought of this person crossed my mind. I wondered who they had become after all these years. I wondered if they were a huge success and now married with kids.

We used to have something, an interesting (yet confusing) friendship. I still couldn’t stop wondering what the present looked like for this person. I could have been a part of their future, I thought, back when I had met them in college. Of course, life happened and we lost touch. Neither of us were really affected by the natural parting of ways.

So, while sipping on my tea, I decided to Google the person from my past I had always wondered about. I was excited to see what they were up to. Maybe they were an entrepreneur and had a gorgeous house and family by now…

The second Google search result down showed they had died in a tragic car accident over a year ago. They had hit a tree and died on impact. I knew it was them because of the description of the car and location. My stomach sank. A tear ran down my relaxed face.

We hadn’t talked in years and we would have probably never reconnected but a sadness came over my entire life. What if I would have died with them years before? What about their family? What about all their friends I had met years ago? Was everyone okay, I thought. Of course they aren’t, they lost a part of them.

I messaged another friend from my past to confirm. Yes, I was right in my assumption. We reminisced about the kids we once were. I couldn’t stop crying of joy and pain. The truth is, as we get older more people will die. More parts of our past and present will disappear.

I still can’t comprehend it. They were so young and recently engaged. They had a whole future ahead of them. I thought of all the moments I stole with them. I thought of the kindness and security I felt with them at a time when my life was complete and utter chaos.

Dear Old Friend, I am saddened by the fact that you are not somewhere out there in the world living a happy life. Thank you for bringing a sense of peace and happiness to my life during my confusing college years and making me feel like I wasn’t alone for a moment.

So, just like that, I feel my past is dead. I feel it almost didn’t happen because some parts of it is not living or breathing. Of course, this is a false pretense and all of it will live on in my memories. My old friend was just as real as my past was and is.

I still can’t help wonder what their future could have been. All the things they had left to do. And to the Fiance of Old Friend, I send you all of my love. You shared moments of your life with a really kind and loving person. May you continue to keep them in your memories and overcome the grief by finding true love once again. I never loved this person, but man, did I care for them. Rest in peace, Old Friend. The world feels less special without you in it.