I am a happy person. I smile 90 percent of the day. I have all the things I have ever wanted. I am the woman I thought I could be someday.
I have it all.
Has it been easy? Well, that goes without saying… nothing good comes easy. In order to get the rainbow you must first get the storm, that’s for certain.
I was thinking about my past today. A lot of it is beautiful but a lot of it is extremely ugly and painful.
Lyrics get me. They cut me to the core and remind me of my past scars. Think about your past, think about your scars.
Are there some things you wish ended up differently? Are there some people you just miss even though they have already served their purpose? Do you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night forgetting who you are or mourning the person you once were?
Yea, that’s the human condition. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always simple and/or understandable but it is all we have.
I think of a girl who really hurt herself and others years ago and I sometimes even talk to her. I sometimes yell at her.
What the hell were you thinking?!
Why did you let another person define you?
Nostalgia comes with certain songs and places. Today, I am so proud that girl from the past is gone but she’s not forever erased, that’s for sure.
I used to be worse. I used to obsess over the past constantly which quickly led to depression and anxiety. It’s easy to obsess over the past when your present is not what you want.
I love my present but my past still seems to come up. It always will. It’s part of the puzzle that makes me up.
I used to blame others for my circumstance. I now understand I was really just upset with myself. I used to blame my past for my present but now I understand everything really does happen for a reason.
Could I be the extremely happy person I am today without becoming the horrible person I was some years ago? Could I appreciate all that surrounds me had I not detested and protested it in my past?
It’s hard to let go of the past because it distracts you from your present. The past can paralyze you if you let it.
It’s weird but I sometimes miss the ugliness of my past. There’s something beautiful about something so tragic. But I regress. I am a writer, I love writing about pain and human conditions.
I quickly have to remember how beautiful my life and my present is today. It’s great to write about all of it now, but do I really miss it?
I probably miss being so tormented because I had excuses for everything back then. I no longer do. My happiness depends on me. It doesn’t depend on my past or my merits, it depends on who and what I want to be today, right now.
So why is it so hard to let go of your past? It’s hard because it’s something else to concentrate on, it’s hard to let go of the past because sometimes the present isn’t exactly how you want it to be.
How about you figure out what can make you happy today by changing your current situation versus blaming your past circumstance?
It’s so easy to hold onto the past because of the fact that it already happened. We can’t really analyze the future, can we?
It’s hard to let go of the past because of the fact that it’s like a movie you feel can be changed.
In reality you are who you are today because of the past that makes you you and there’s no need to there’s no reason to hold on to it like a crux. Instead, look at it as a piece of the bigger picture.
I know it’s easier said than done, but in order to fully enjoy the present moment, you must let go of the past.
Like I said, I still think about my past sometimes but there’s no need to obsess over it. I do not need to look back on it like it could have been changed.
It becomes the game of what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve, might’ve, been, and that game is one nobody ever wins.
It’s not easy to move on from painful experiences but I do know there’s the possibility for every single human being to heal. Sometimes we need outside resources to help us do this and sometimes we can simply find healing within ourselves.
I know I am no longer a victim of my past but a warrior of my future.
Love Deeply and Forever,