Why I am Afraid of Public Speaking

Ever since I can remember, I have hated to talk in public. But put me in a room with a bunch of friends, and you will never be able to get me to stop. While in elementary school, I trembled in my boots whenever I had a presentation and I still do to this day.

I have never really been comfortable with being in the spotlight. I am a writer, and writing is awesome. Mostly because no one ever has to look at me while I do it. I can express all that I want by painting the best possible picture of my feelings but actually saying them outloud, well that’s an entirely different story.

Talking in front of people is vulnerability at it’s finest. People will notice ticks if you have them. Stuttering if you stumble, and them, by myself, and with nothing to hide behind.

Standing in the front of a room really leaves nothing to the imagination. You become the center of the room no matter what and that alone is terrifying to me. I feel naked and judged because of the fact that I am a room full of strangers.

No matter who the audience is, I feel awkward because it is usually not a two-way conversation. It’s basically like talking to a wall. Without active feedback, I don’t know how people feel or what they could possibly be thinking about.

What do they think about what I am saying? What do you think about how am I saying it? What do they think of me in general?

All the unanswered questions going through my head drive me nuts. It feels like going to an interview and never having the recruiter ask any questions. It’s just plain weird.

I probably am afraid of public speaking because of my lack of experience. It’s not something I obviously do everyday. I don’t like it so I don’t practice it.

Bottom line, public speaking is just not in my element. It’s not where I feel the most comfortable. I feel the most comfortable here, writing this to you. But one thing I’ve learned in life is that if something scares you, it means it is essential to your growth as an individual.

So, I’m going to make it a point to try and learn this thing I don’t like called public speaking. This year I’m going to tap into my fears and do the uncomfortable. It’s time I grow and evolve. What are you afraid of?

Love deeply and forever,

Karen

Why it’s Okay to be Sad

sad, why, okay, to feel, life, growth, enough, afraid, heal,feelings, express, learn, grow, spiritual, journey, cry, mad, sad, upset, feel, outlet, action, change,I used to constantly be sad while growing up. I can’t explain why I just was. I never fit in, I was never good enough, and life in general just seemed unbearable. It wasn’t until recently that I embarked on my spiritual journey and realized I am, and always will be, enough.

Although I have finally found sweet serenity within my soul, I still have my moments. Those moments when I realize I probably didn’t sleep enough. Or those moments when I have a ‘tude for absolutely no reason. And while I used to lose myself to anxiety during these less-than-perfect moments, I came to realize that would never serve me on my journey.

There’s a specific reason for why I write. It has always been an outlet for me, my safe place. It is where I can feel everything I want to feel, no judgments. Okay, so maybe people judge me while reading my blog… but that’s okay, my own written words never will and that, to me, will always be worth it.

You might not like to write, you might be an artist. Or maybe you’re a chef. Whatever your passion may be, rest assured that it will always bring you great mental health. Outlets let you express your feelings in ways you might have never thought possible and they can offer relief from the stresses of mundane life.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized it’s okay to have dark moments. It’s okay to write the hell out of them or bake pies like there is no tomorrow. It’s okay to clean your house beyond reason just because you feel like you don’t have your life together. These are all methods for dealing with feelings.

I truly believe it’s okay to feel sad, mad, or irritated for no reason. But guess what? There usually is one or several underlying reasons. Maybe your boss got on your nerves the other day or your boyfriend forgot it was your anniversary weeks ago. Whatever the reason, just know that there usually is one.

We must feel these emotions to properly heal and learn how to move forward in life. If we ignore what or why we feel things, I promise you will continue to feel the same day after day. There will be no change or catharsis, just an empty pit of sorrow and regret.

When I feel negative things nowadays, I try not to lash out at others. Of course, I sometimes fail, but I do my best to deal with my emotions within myself.

I often talk to myself to try to figure out why and what I am feeling in that moment. Sometimes the answers are extremely clear and sometimes they are just not, and that it also totally okay. The point is to try, the point is to grow as a result of each and every one of our emotions.

Sometimes I even have to write it all down to figure out the nonsense. I do my best to learn more about my emotions and the emotions of everyone around me. Listening to our feelings rather than dismissing them is not easy but it is extremely beneficial. I understand that the more I understand myself, the more I can understand others.

So the next time you feel sad, don’t wipe away your tears. Let yourself cry until you can’t cry anymore. If you are mad, let yourself think all those horrible thoughts until they finally escape your mind.

Once you allow yourself to feel you can then take a step back and look at the factors that contribute to those particular feelings. Once you figure that out, find ways to make yourself and your situation better. Feelings are what make us human so let’s try to not run away from them, but rather let them flow through us and teach us what we have been afraid of learning all along.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen