Ever since I can remember, I have hated to talk in public. But put me in a room with a bunch of friends, and you will never be able to get me to stop. While in elementary school, I trembled in my boots whenever I had a presentation and I still do to this day.
I have never really been comfortable with being in the spotlight. I am a writer, and writing is awesome. Mostly because no one ever has to look at me while I do it. I can express all that I want by painting the best possible picture of my feelings but actually saying them outloud, well that’s an entirely different story.
Talking in front of people is vulnerability at it’s finest. People will notice ticks if you have them. Stuttering if you stumble, and them, by myself, and with nothing to hide behind.
Standing in the front of a room really leaves nothing to the imagination. You become the center of the room no matter what and that alone is terrifying to me. I feel naked and judged because of the fact that I am a room full of strangers.
No matter who the audience is, I feel awkward because it is usually not a two-way conversation. It’s basically like talking to a wall. Without active feedback, I don’t know how people feel or what they could possibly be thinking about.
What do they think about what I am saying? What do you think about how am I saying it? What do they think of me in general?
All the unanswered questions going through my head drive me nuts. It feels like going to an interview and never having the recruiter ask any questions. It’s just plain weird.
I probably am afraid of public speaking because of my lack of experience. It’s not something I obviously do everyday. I don’t like it so I don’t practice it.
Bottom line, public speaking is just not in my element. It’s not where I feel the most comfortable. I feel the most comfortable here, writing this to you. But one thing I’ve learned in life is that if something scares you, it means it is essential to your growth as an individual.
So, I’m going to make it a point to try and learn this thing I don’t like called public speaking. This year I’m going to tap into my fears and do the uncomfortable. It’s time I grow and evolve. What are you afraid of?
Love deeply and forever,