Is He Just Not That Into You or Are You Just Not Into Yourself?featured

I used to be that girl. The girl with the low self esteem. The one with all the worry of the world upon her shoulders. The girl that would take just about any guy’s compliment just because it was attention. I could make excuses for myself like, I was just going through a tough breakup or the end of my high school sweetheart relationship shattered me forever, but let’s just say I hit a dark and ugly moment while growing up. I went through guys like baseball cards. The card of the week was always interesting to study but none was a collector’s item.

I dated this one guy I will never forget. Him and I spoke the same language. We wrote to each other in riddles and rhymes and this was new and exciting to me. If there are twin souls in the world, I fully believed he was mine at the time. He wasn’t the cutest or the smartest, but I constantly pined for his attention. It was something about the way he spoke to me and spoke to my soul.

I always thought he sorta liked me. We would go out a few times a week. He would text me a few times a week as well. It wasn’t until 2 am that he really needed me. He needed a ride because he was drunk most of the time. This should have been the red flag to end it all.

I guess the high school sweetheart breakup is what turned everything upside down for me. From that moment forward, none of the screws in my head or heart were in the right place. The high school sweetheart was supposed to be it, wasn’t it?

Anyway, back to the guy that was just not into me except if it was early in the morning and no one else was awake to even care. Was he really not into me? This situation dragged on for longer than I ever want to admit. I see the only pattern was that I always answered. I was always available. I jumped out of bed with my makeup still intact just to always be there for him.

Did he ever reciprocate? No. Did he ever truly care? No. So why was it that I was that stupid girl for so long? I think I just needed to find the balance between fantasy and reality in order to build up my strength and know my true worth. Fantasy told me I could change any guy to my liking, reality taught me true love is when they love you as you are. There is no convincing or stupidity involved. I know it now more than ever but it took a lot of heartbreak to get here. Was it worth it? Yes, every single second of it.

My advice to anyone who is not sure if he is into you or not, ask yourself, are you even into yourself?