I was mindlessly watching a show last night. I do not watch much TV, but I do enjoy the company of the background noise. As I sat in the dark, some words began dancing in my heart. It was a show about a single mom raising her kids and she looked at her daughter and told her the truth about life. She said life is not always perfect, we are constantly trying to figure ourselves out and that’s okay. But the most important thing she said was something along the lines of: Because even if you just get some job to make it through life, life can still be pretty amazing. Even at the most shittiest times, life is glorious.
I stared at the TV then back at my computer, then straight into the looking glass of my life. Of course, there is a difference between settling and forging forward but there is certainly something sweet about being “in the middle.” I wake up every morning knowing I am in the middle and smiling because one day this middle will become some of the best moments of my life.
While growing up, I always thought I would have it all figured out while in my 20’s. Was I wrong? Maybe. Was I kind of right? Yes. I have figured out what my heart is passionate about. I have figured out how to create healthy and long lasting relationships. I have figured out not to enter the world of extremes just to see what happens. I have figured out what makes me upset and what I will simply not tolerate. I have figured out what I don’t want to do. I have figured out I am full of love and I want to share it with the world. I have figured out what my gifts are. So no, I don’t have it ALL figured out. No, I am not writing books in a cabin in the woods somewhere. But yes, I am getting there.
I am not one to give up on myself or the dreams I had while I was a little girl, but I am a realist and I am in the middle of finding that balance within my mind. I am in the middle of embracing my gifts and being confident in my abilities and talents. Of course, a part of me is still a terrified little girl but the other part is a Beyonce type warrior woman. I have worked hard to get to where I am. And while I am not exactly where I want to end up, I give myself grace to enjoy this “in the middle” moment. I understand I don’t have it all figured out, but I also understand that I will probably never have it all figured out and that is okay. If I can find my happiness now, I will remain happy throughout every stage of life. Because even at it’s shittiest, life is still pretty glorious.
Get the tree, buy the presents, send the cards, buy the groceries. The holidays can be a stressful time. A lot of us seem to forget that the holidays are not about stuff. They are not about breaking the bank or buying the biggest gift for the person you love. They are about creating new memories. They are about sitting around a table with people you love. Holidays are about sharing moments with family or people who have become your family throughout the years.
I remember growing up and staying up all night just to get a glimpse of Santa. I was in that same Holiday haze. I just wanted stuff, stuff and more stuff. My list was endless and my hopes were high. Somewhere along the line I realized Santa was my dad and Christmas was about my family.
As a child, Christmas was about the sacrifice my parents made just so that I could have every single gift on my list sitting under the tree christmas morning. I always wondered why Santa wrote just like my dad but now I realize Santa was symbolic. Santa was constructed so I could get excited about something. Santa was constructed so my eyes would sparkle.
My eyes sparkle now because of something entirely different. They sparkle because my family is happy and healthy. They sparkle because my family has and always will be my number one support system. They sparkle because I have all the stuff any girl could ever want. If you asked me to make a Christmas list it would literally be blank. I just want to eat delicious food with my family and reminisce about where we have been and where we will be.
And while the holidays are intertwined with consumerism, I now see that not all holiday haze is bad. When it involves losing sight of what and who is important it can be dangerous. But when holiday haze is about losing yourself in conversations with loved ones it can be strikingly beautiful. I have never loved Santa so much. Thank you, Santa for showing me what Christmas is really about.
Humans are forever “works in progress.” Everyday we can work on our demons and better ourselves. I had an argument with someone lately. They told me calling humans works in progress is a blanket statement and a stupid statement. I beg to differ, sir. I try to be the best version of myself each day. I see my flaws, sometimes clearer than other times but they do not make me feel small. My flaws are what make me me and what will eventually make me stronger and better.
The human state is the flawed state. We all walk around each day giving the world a piece of who we are. I choose to give the best piece. I have my days too though. And on those days, I make it a point to laugh harder and smile bigger because you never know who you can make happier just by example.
We can argue about the human condition all day but I rather not. I rather change the world through tiny acts of kindness and giving my fellow humans grace. Give them grace on their individual journey. Give them grace for the way they are feeling. Give them grace for being flawed like you.
We tend to be hard on others because we see our own flaws in them. Grace is the answer and gets us a little closer to understanding the flawed human condition. Yes, we are forever works in progress, but no, we do not have to judge each other because of it. Flaws are what unite and ignite us. Let’s give ourselves grace.