I was mindlessly watching a show last night. I do not watch much TV, but I do enjoy the company of the background noise. As I sat in the dark, some words began dancing in my heart. It was a show about a single mom raising her kids and she looked at her daughter and told her the truth about life. She said life is not always perfect, we are constantly trying to figure ourselves out and that’s okay. But the most important thing she said was something along the lines of: Because even if you just get some job to make it through life, life can still be pretty amazing. Even at the most shittiest times, life is glorious.
I stared at the TV then back at my computer, then straight into the looking glass of my life. Of course, there is a difference between settling and forging forward but there is certainly something sweet about being “in the middle.” I wake up every morning knowing I am in the middle and smiling because one day this middle will become some of the best moments of my life.
While growing up, I always thought I would have it all figured out while in my 20’s. Was I wrong? Maybe. Was I kind of right? Yes. I have figured out what my heart is passionate about. I have figured out how to create healthy and long lasting relationships. I have figured out not to enter the world of extremes just to see what happens. I have figured out what makes me upset and what I will simply not tolerate. I have figured out what I don’t want to do. I have figured out I am full of love and I want to share it with the world. I have figured out what my gifts are. So no, I don’t have it ALL figured out. No, I am not writing books in a cabin in the woods somewhere. But yes, I am getting there.
I am not one to give up on myself or the dreams I had while I was a little girl, but I am a realist and I am in the middle of finding that balance within my mind. I am in the middle of embracing my gifts and being confident in my abilities and talents. Of course, a part of me is still a terrified little girl but the other part is a Beyonce type warrior woman. I have worked hard to get to where I am. And while I am not exactly where I want to end up, I give myself grace to enjoy this “in the middle” moment. I understand I don’t have it all figured out, but I also understand that I will probably never have it all figured out and that is okay. If I can find my happiness now, I will remain happy throughout every stage of life. Because even at it’s shittiest, life is still pretty glorious.