Why it’s Okay to be Sad

sad, why, okay, to feel, life, growth, enough, afraid, heal,feelings, express, learn, grow, spiritual, journey, cry, mad, sad, upset, feel, outlet, action, change,I used to constantly be sad while growing up. I can’t explain why I just was. I never fit in, I was never good enough, and life in general just seemed unbearable. It wasn’t until recently that I embarked on my spiritual journey and realized I am, and always will be, enough.

Although I have finally found sweet serenity within my soul, I still have my moments. Those moments when I realize I probably didn’t sleep enough. Or those moments when I have a ‘tude for absolutely no reason. And while I used to lose myself to anxiety during these less-than-perfect moments, I came to realize that would never serve me on my journey.

There’s a specific reason for why I write. It has always been an outlet for me, my safe place. It is where I can feel everything I want to feel, no judgments. Okay, so maybe people judge me while reading my blog… but that’s okay, my own written words never will and that, to me, will always be worth it.

You might not like to write, you might be an artist. Or maybe you’re a chef. Whatever your passion may be, rest assured that it will always bring you great mental health. Outlets let you express your feelings in ways you might have never thought possible and they can offer relief from the stresses of mundane life.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized it’s okay to have dark moments. It’s okay to write the hell out of them or bake pies like there is no tomorrow. It’s okay to clean your house beyond reason just because you feel like you don’t have your life together. These are all methods for dealing with feelings.

I truly believe it’s okay to feel sad, mad, or irritated for no reason. But guess what? There usually is one or several underlying reasons. Maybe your boss got on your nerves the other day or your boyfriend forgot it was your anniversary weeks ago. Whatever the reason, just know that there usually is one.

We must feel these emotions to properly heal and learn how to move forward in life. If we ignore what or why we feel things, I promise you will continue to feel the same day after day. There will be no change or catharsis, just an empty pit of sorrow and regret.

When I feel negative things nowadays, I try not to lash out at others. Of course, I sometimes fail, but I do my best to deal with my emotions within myself.

I often talk to myself to try to figure out why and what I am feeling in that moment. Sometimes the answers are extremely clear and sometimes they are just not, and that it also totally okay. The point is to try, the point is to grow as a result of each and every one of our emotions.

Sometimes I even have to write it all down to figure out the nonsense. I do my best to learn more about my emotions and the emotions of everyone around me. Listening to our feelings rather than dismissing them is not easy but it is extremely beneficial. I understand that the more I understand myself, the more I can understand others.

So the next time you feel sad, don’t wipe away your tears. Let yourself cry until you can’t cry anymore. If you are mad, let yourself think all those horrible thoughts until they finally escape your mind.

Once you allow yourself to feel you can then take a step back and look at the factors that contribute to those particular feelings. Once you figure that out, find ways to make yourself and your situation better. Feelings are what make us human so let’s try to not run away from them, but rather let them flow through us and teach us what we have been afraid of learning all along.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

Is Your First Love Really True Love?

I was 16 when I first fell in love. I thought it was love. I had hearts in my eyes and butterflies in my tummy. I got excited when he called and when he almost held my hand that one night.

We went out on grown up dates and I thought this was “it.” My first love would be the one. I felt so lucky, I mean, it’s not very common for a first love to become your fairy tale ending, I thought.

He was everything my family would have ever hoped for. He was my world. Little did I know then how confusing things could get.

I moved to attend college and so did he. We decided on different schools. Well, he did without discussing it with me. I told myself, “I will never move to a city for a boy,” So I went in the opposite direction of him.

Our love seemed like it could endure the long distance. He was 6 hours away on the train so I visited every weekend. Things were great until they weren’t. He broke up with me abruptly and I completely lost it. I threw up for a week straight and hysterically cried all day and all night.

My parents bought me a car to replace a love lost. It sure was a good band-aid! I became mobile and a force to reckon with. In both good and very bad ways.

Looking back, I wonder if this first love was really true love. He manipulated me and berated me throughout our entire three-year relationship. He made me feel special sometimes but never special enough. He never let me in on his deepest darkest secrets. He never expressed his true emotions regarding just everyday life situations. I always begged for him to let me in but he said he would rather “protect” me from the truth.

So is our first love really true love or is it just what we think love looks and feels like because we have never experienced something more? Was I dumb, naive or just looking for attention at 16? Could I have chosen to just not “fall in love?” Did I choose this guy because I thought my parents would approve? Did I stay with this guy out of love or out of insecurity?

The closer I analyze the situation, and the more time passes, I realize my first love was not really true. True love is patient and kind. True love shares vulnerability. True love is supportive and comforting. This particular relationship was sometimes cute but that was about it. I called it love because I didn’t know what else to call it. I thought it was forever because those around me would approve.

Sometimes I wonder what a miserable life I would be living had I married that first perception of love. This is all just time wasted. Who cares? I grew up and grew some balls. I learned what I want and what I deserve. I am now a woman who knows her worth. I know what love means to me and only me.

I know that I expect a deep emotional connection. I know that some love is strong but unsustainable. I know that love will never be perfect. But most importantly, I know how to recognize true love because I stay true to myself. I know true love because I truly love myself.

I’m sure some first relationships can become true love in time, but I don’t necessarily think they really ever begin that way…