How To Stay In Love Forever

love, forever, safe, partner,years, communication, success, forever, in love, how, to, words, listen, romantic, lust, more, friends, friendship, heart, importantI have known my love for over 12 years. We have gone through it all. Multiple jobs, partners, and life circumstances. We have despised each other as well as adored each other. It started out as lust and turned into so much more.

I met him and knew he was meant to be in my life forever. I can’t tell you exactly how I knew, but there was definitely something about the way he looked at me. His eyes told stories I could only hope his lips would one day tell.

Life continued to happen and we continued to deeply care for each other. No matter what boyfriend or girlfriend of the week the other had, we couldn’t stay away from each other. We had become a little more than friends throughout the years.

They say timing is everything and I couldn’t agree more. I wanted him to let down his walls. I wanted us to reach the next level. We never did. We stayed romantically stagnant as our lust and friendship grew. Whether one or the other was platonic at the time, I will never know.

Anyway, here we are 12 years later. I am more in love than I ever thought possible.

He is my best friend and so much more. He brings happiness to my every day and makes sure I am always safe and cared for. Our family is growing (with pets of course)!

We are a team with an unbreakable bond. And even when we can’t agree, we still long to be next to each other. We know our souls are meant to be together.

We have different views regarding certain topics but we work well because we both are able to listen to each other. At the end of the day, even our smallest disagreements are productive.

Many couples say communication is key in every relationship. It’s true.

Listening is the most essential part of communication. People never forget the way a person who listened to them made them feel. However, they can easily regret sparking up a conversation with a self-absorbed narcissist.

I now realize that I love listening to my partner because of all those years he spoke but said nothing at the same time. All those years that I yearned to know more about that look in his eyes. We were friends with limitations and now we are a team harnessing the power of listening with the heart.

Remember, some of the most powerful things can be said with absolutely no words. If you just listen closely, you can leave the greatest footprint in the hearts of others.

Find eternal love in listening.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

Why Romantic Love Is Not All You Need

love, need, why, couple, forever, happily ever after, prince charming, romantic, relationship, self love, true love, highschool, sweetheart, volatile, heartbreak, broken, heart, choose, life, redefined, unconditional,I have said it once and I’ll say it again, I love “love.” I have always believed in fairy tales and happily-ever-afters. I have always believed I would end up with my prince charming and that he would come save me from the world one day.

I still believe in strong, passionate, romantic love but a few thoughts have taken on different forms within my mind.

I had the stereotypical high school sweetheart. I thought it was true love. I thought it would never end. But then it did. My heart was broken into tiny little pieces and I refused to put them back together.

Months later, my sweetheart wanted me back and I simply turned the other cheek. If someone could hurt me so deeply, they simply did not deserve my love, I thought. I thought we had it made at the sweet age of 16, but I did some things I can never freely speak about and he said some things I could never truly forgive.

I thought love was a big fat lie at the time. I threw up for weeks straight and decided to turn my heart into coal.

With a cold heart in hand, I refused to believe in love ever again. Until cupid’s arrow showed up unexpectedly. I fell for my college sweetheart, if you can even call him that.

He knew me more than I ever knew myself. He spoke to me in a language I thought no one else could speak. Things were passionate but quickly turned volatile. I couldn’t live without him and he knew it. He played with my heart more than anyone had before and I couldn’t even recognize who I had become after it was all said and done.

There I was, once again, broken. How could love hurt so much? How could love leave me so fragile if it had once made me so strong? I had no answers but I decided to look within myself.

I began loving myself for the first time. Unconditionally and full-heartedly. I took care of my body and my mind for the first time and decided self-love was much more important than any romantic love from another.

So what happened to my childhood image of love? It was redefined forever. Did prince charming exist? Ehhh, not so much. Who was to save me from myself? Me and only me. Who could unconditionally love me and not hurt me intentionally? Me.

Of course, I don’t want to end up alone in the world but romantic love is not always the answer. We must first love ourselves before anyone can ever love us back.

Passionate, romantic love is not solely sustainable. It requires serious maintenance and a pact to choose to love one another day after day. You can’t just say, “Hey, I love you! Let’s live happily ever after together.” As older and much wiser people say, love can’t pay the damn bills.

It’s true, although romantic love can be intoxicating, it can sometimes become a vicious cycle that leads to absolutely nowhere.

I don’t think everyone ends up with the most passionate love of their life. Romantic love is sometimes just not enough to maintain a long-lasting relationship. I feel pretty lucky to have reconnected with one of the greatest loves of my life. Will we end up together forever? Only time will tell. Until then, I will keep choosing love even though I know love is not necessarily all we need.

 

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

What Happens After the Honeymoon Phase?

honeymoon, honeymoon over, after honeymoon, what happens after honeymoon, love, choose, flaws, reality, fall in loveMost romantic love starts the same. You “fall” head over heals for this other person. You think they fart rainbows and donuts and they are not even a real human.

You put them on this pedestal where nothing they can do is wrong. You want their attention at all costs. You jump up the moment they call or text. You move mountains just so you can see them when they are available.

These moments and feelings are real. The beginning of romantic relationships trigger a part of our brain that releases dopamine and other chemicals called serotonin and noradrenaline.

What happens in us is similar to what happens when people get addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling. We develop OCD symptoms regarding our new crush and we then become toast. We often overlook little details because of the fact that the addiction is so strong and feels so real.

Months go by, oftentimes about a year, and the addiction symptoms secede. Without warning or notice, reality shows up at our doorstep.  The honeymoon officially ends as chemicals begin regaining balance within us.

What happens when the happy chemicals stop firing in our brain?

That little thing he does when he is about to sneeze starts bugging her. That little joking around thing she does with him isn’t so funny anymore. His daring (bad boy) attitude just seems reckless and stupid now. Her hair tossing (that used to be so cute) is just super obnoxious now…

Both partners must then decide whether or not they want their relationship to go on. This is the moment where you can either decide to bond in the form of friendship or you can walk if you don’t desire that bond with this specific person. This new chemical that provides this bond is called oxytocin and not everyone welcomes it when, or if, it shows up.

If you decide to go on with the relationship, you must then deal with all those small details you first overlooked while doped up on this new human being. Can you overlook his stubbornness? Can you overlook her whiny voice?

I chose to. And I will choose the same with the love of my life over and over again. We sometimes disagree on some topics. We sometimes can’t understand the way the other is thinking and feeling but we learn to love each other even harder because of our differences. We try to get it, and if we can’t, we agree to disagree.

We are a team. That’s the bottom line. I chose him as he is, flaws and all, and vice versa. At the end of the day, I rather deal with his flaws than anyone else’s (not that he even has that many!). He has chosen to do the same to this day with me and all I can do is thank him. Thank him for choosing to love me.

At the end of the day, love is a choice. It might feel like we “fall” in love at first, but we choose to love for the long run. We choose our partner’s flaws over all others’.

And that’s the true beauty of it all. Not all love is sustainable after the honeymoon phase, but those that do make it, by deciding to, enter an entirely different phase in their relationship. The phase where you shift from being solely lovers to becoming partners, confidants and best friends who happen to get naked with each other.

Whatever you choose after the honeymoon phase, just know that there is more depth to love than just an initial phase. Love has many phases, all of which can be beautiful, exciting and fulfilling. Always choose love.