Why I Don’t Care That I Crashed My Car

car, crash, alive, blessings, blessed, gratitude, safe, thankful, present, life, wake up, brain, off, on, work, new, transition, drive, scary, why, I, don't, careI started a new job recently and am over the moon about it. It is exactly what I wanted to do and my heart is filled with endless gratitude. With this new gig comes a new way of life. I have adjusted to waking up earlier than ever and not having the option of escaping an office at any sign of stress.

The transition has been much smoother than I thought it would be but having a desk job is definitely not my familiar. Driving used to be the norm for me. I was always filled with adrenaline while fighting traffic. Those days are over, and for that, I am grateful.

I only drive about 30 minutes a day now which is pretty awesome. But my desk job takes so much of my brain power, that by the time work is over my brain just doesn’t want to think anymore. It shuts off immediately. It’s kind of strange and scary.

I headed home the other day after a long day at work. I went to wash and detail my car and got into a car crash as I exited the car wash. I followed the person while shaking in my boots. I just kept hoping everyone in the other car was okay.

The other driver finally pulled over, after what felt like 10 minutes of following them. They were calmer than I was. I honestly didn’t care what the physical damage was. I just wanted to make sure everyone was safe and sound.

I’ve crashed before, but never into a person in a moving vehicle. In the past, I would have been hysterically crying about the damage to my car. I would not have cared about anything but the money it would cost to fix my car.

This time everything felt different. I didn’t care about petty personal property, I simply cared about all the humans involved. The dent in my car was meaningless. My car is new, but who really cares? All parties were safe and that is a miracle alone.

The movie “Crash” immediately came to mind after this incident. Was I so mentally tired after such a long day that I became numb before colliding with another driver? Was I involved in a crash so I could be reminded to wake up and simply feel something? 

Who knows.

What I do know is that I definitely woke up in that moment. I looked around and counted each of my blessings. The point is to count all of your blessings in this way on a daily basis, not simply after a horrific incident.

Staring death in the eye shouldn’t be the catalyst, you should be the catalyst. Be that person who wakes up and never forgets what they are grateful for. I admit I have to work on this throughout the day and during mundane tasks like driving home.

I don’t think I was present enough in that telling moment. I was mechanically driving, but my mind was in “off” mode. Let’s never be “off.” Life is too beautiful to forget to be present. Yes, it is easy to let our minds wander, but let’s make it a point to limit this.

Had my physical life ended in that moment, I would have nothing to show for it but a blank mind eager to enjoy a mindless evening.

My life is in transition and it more important than ever to stay present, in my life, my career, and all of my heartfelt relationships. Changes are never easy and this crash proves that. Just when I thought all the threat and danger of driving was gone, it came back to slap me in the face.

I must always remember that I am alive, I am powerful, I am loveable, I am valuable, and I must stay forever present.

Don’t fall asleep in your waking life, that is what dreaming is for.

Stay alive. Stay present. Stay thankful.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen