Why My 20s Are The Best And Worst Years Of My Life

best, fast, brain, 25, time, irony, naive,worst, 20, 30, 20s, 30s, life, grow, learn, limits, death, rock, bottom, test, age, time, lessons, know, knew, human, love, integrity, wrong, young, heart, I remember being 16. I remember being 11. Anything before that is a complete blur. And after 16, I just remember turning 20. At 20, I knew it all. I was invincible. I was all that and so much more. If someone called, I never answered. If someone wanted to tell me otherwise, I never listened.

21 was always near death. I was testing every and any limit. How much alcohol could my body take? How fast could my car go? How much abuse could my heart handle?

Thinking back, my early 20s were pretty horrific. If pain is glory, then my early 20s were pretty glorious. I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be. I had a plan I thought would one day magically come together but I was doing everything to keep that from happening. Ironic, huh?

My early 20s were full of irony. I was full of naivety.

At 21, I hit my rock bottom. By 22, I was trying to piece my life back together. I was more lost than I had ever been before. I wanted to meet rejects like me so I did. I hung out with them night and day and thought I was just like them. I was living a double-life as if I had learned absolutely nothing from my troubled past.

By 23, I was still stumbling. I kept falling like baby Bambi.

They say by 25 your brain stops developing and your values become set in stone. It’s true, by 25, I wanted life to hurry the f up. I was tired of making mistakes and decided it was time to settle down. My mind and body felt older than they ever had before. By this point, I knew who I was. I had become a person filled with love, happiness, and integrity.

How did that happen? From 23 to 25 I had grown up. I was still working at my kid job, but there I was, putting in my time and dedication. I learned that inconsistency was a thing of my past and that if you ever want to be respected you must be consistent in everything that you do.

One thing is for sure, I have never loved myself as much as I do today. I am now officially in my late 20s and so proud of my journey. I am proud of every one of my scars. I am proud of all the things I didn’t know that I eventually learned. I am looking forward to learning so much more, about not only myself but humanity in general.

My 20s have been turbulent, to say the least. They have been more beautiful than I ever thought they could be. They have taught me who I am and who I never want to be. They have shown me I am valuable, special and loved.

Above all, they have proved to me that I still have so much more to learn. And so much more to see, feel and listen to. And while I might think I have it all figured out now, I am sure my 30s will prove me to be extremely wrong.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

Why It’s My Birthday and I Don’t Even Care

birthday, dont, care, why, spoiled, brat, celebrate, party, cry, positive, bittersweet, died, sad, experience, life, 30, almost 30, opportuity, chang, grow up, old, lifeEvery year since I can remember I have celebrated the entire month of September. Why? Because it’s my birthday month, duh. It’s kind of big deal I was born and an even bigger deal that I am still alive.

I have always enjoyed lavish gifts, outings, and parties as part of the celebration of my birth.

Last year was different. I took the day off work and just hung out with myself. It was spectacular, to say the least. I can honestly say it was the best birthday I have ever had. Call me a loner if you will but a birthday spent alone was far from lonely for me.

I grew up always having horrible birthday parties that I would always end up crying at. Later in life, I even had a birthday party where I nearly died (no really). I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and that’s about all I have to say about that one. Well, it’s technically all I can remember about that one…

Maybe I have just always set myself up for disaster. It could be that I have always been a brat and wanted things a certain way only to be disappointed at any signs of the “special” day being less than perfect.

Yea, whatever the reason, my birthdays have always had a lot of build up as well as a lot of pain.

How could this spoiled little San Diego girl be so sad on her birthdays? The world may never know. One thing I do know is that I don’t even care that today is my birthday.

I didn’t count down the days like I usually do. There were no crazy birthday party invitations that were sealed and/or sent. I was set on spending another birthday like I did last year, alone and extremely content.

I guess this year has been bittersweet. I had a lot of downs this year that left me almost believing in nothing. I had moments where my positivity played a dismal effect instead. Not only that but I am getting reallllllly close to 30.

Am I who I thought I would be by 30? Not. Even. Close.

So this year I have just decided not to care. It’s just another day. It’s just another year. Right?

These were my thoughts until I had a conversation with an angel yesterday. The angel told me that today is definitely a day to celebrate. They told me I have to celebrate that I have the opportunity to live, embrace and experience another year of life. They told me that living almost 30 years is a blessing, not a curse.

The angel also told me that I have many opportunities in front of me and that I should seize them. They told me to never stop believing in myself.

The angel heard the doubt and anguish in my voice at the mention of my 20-something birthday. The angel knew I needed to hear a different perspective. I am glad I listened.

I am thankful for all the angels that surround me each day. They often know me more than I even know myself.

So I guess I do care (a little) that it’s my birthday. More importantly, I think my thoughts have shifted from being completely selfish to being selfless so, naturally, my birthday seems a little less important this year.

This year, my family made birthday plans without me even asking. My friends have looked more forward to my day than I have. What a blessing this feeling is-to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel appreciated, to feel needed.

I have made an impact in the lives of those that matter and that alone is the best birthday gift I have ever received.

No wonder I was so disappointed on all my other birthdays, my objectives were simply misguided. Birthdays are not about creating one special day, but rather creating one special life.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

Why My Favorite Job Is The One I Don’t Get Paid For

work, working, favorite, why, job, career, dream, follow, writing, passion, pay, heart, words, stories, I used to work at the happiest burger place on earth, In N Out Burger. I learned the most important life skills there. I learned that smiles can fix all and that what happens behind the scenes must always stay behind the scenes. I learned to treat everyone like they are the most special person in the world and that hard work never comes easy.

I graduated from In N Out five years ago. I sometimes grab a burger and think fondly of my time there. How young and naive I was and what hard work it was to come together with a group of people for a shared goal-food preparation, assembly, and delivery.

I now work at a finance company. Ironic, huh? I went from throwing potatoes in a fryer to frying my brain with numbers, figures, and negotiations. Anyway, I always thought that if I stayed at this company my dreams of becoming a writer would never come true. I felt like a sellout for a couple of years.

The more I opened my eyes and heart I realized I had it wrong all along. I started this blog in hopes of propelling my dreams and this decision has done so much more than that. I have come to find that my favorite job and my most passionate job is the one that pays me absolutely nothing.

I published an online article on a platform of my dreams and touched many hearts in the process. I am on the verge of having the first book I coached a writer on published as well. My dreams have already come true in so many ways.

The first time I realized my words meant something to someone I knew I did something right. The first time I heard my words brought tears to people’s eyes I realized I have the capability of touching the world with my words.

When I was younger all of that was what I aspired to do. I wanted to create art that evoked emotion I wanted to tell stories with words that could touch people’s hearts. I have accomplished all of this. Secret fans have come out of the woodwork and that alone makes it all worth it.

If you have ever related to anything I have ever written I have to thank you for keeping me going, for making me feel like I make a difference. My supporters are those closest to my heart so thank you for making my heart feel so full.

Although I have my main “hustle,” the one that pays all of the bills and even paid for the laptop I am writing on, my side hustle, the one that includes all my hopes and dreams but happens to pay zero dollars, is the most fulfilling one. It is the one that brings the most love and emotional satisfaction into my world. Choose your dreams. Choose your passion. Choose what brings you love.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen