How To Stay In Love Forever

love, forever, safe, partner,years, communication, success, forever, in love, how, to, words, listen, romantic, lust, more, friends, friendship, heart, importantI have known my love for over 12 years. We have gone through it all. Multiple jobs, partners, and life circumstances. We have despised each other as well as adored each other. It started out as lust and turned into so much more.

I met him and knew he was meant to be in my life forever. I can’t tell you exactly how I knew, but there was definitely something about the way he looked at me. His eyes told stories I could only hope his lips would one day tell.

Life continued to happen and we continued to deeply care for each other. No matter what boyfriend or girlfriend of the week the other had, we couldn’t stay away from each other. We had become a little more than friends throughout the years.

They say timing is everything and I couldn’t agree more. I wanted him to let down his walls. I wanted us to reach the next level. We never did. We stayed romantically stagnant as our lust and friendship grew. Whether one or the other was platonic at the time, I will never know.

Anyway, here we are 12 years later. I am more in love than I ever thought possible.

He is my best friend and so much more. He brings happiness to my every day and makes sure I am always safe and cared for. Our family is growing (with pets of course)!

We are a team with an unbreakable bond. And even when we can’t agree, we still long to be next to each other. We know our souls are meant to be together.

We have different views regarding certain topics but we work well because we both are able to listen to each other. At the end of the day, even our smallest disagreements are productive.

Many couples say communication is key in every relationship. It’s true.

Listening is the most essential part of communication. People never forget the way a person who listened to them made them feel. However, they can easily regret sparking up a conversation with a self-absorbed narcissist.

I now realize that I love listening to my partner because of all those years he spoke but said nothing at the same time. All those years that I yearned to know more about that look in his eyes. We were friends with limitations and now we are a team harnessing the power of listening with the heart.

Remember, some of the most powerful things can be said with absolutely no words. If you just listen closely, you can leave the greatest footprint in the hearts of others.

Find eternal love in listening.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

Why It’s Okay To Need Help

help, helping, okay, need, friend, family, love, support, pride, cowardice, anxiety, future, insecurityAs a 20-something year old, I have learned how to deal with chaos in the most graceful of ways. I don’t cry as often as I used to at the sign of dismay. I try to make the best out of every situation even if it might not seem like it at the moment.

I have done a really good at job keeping it together over the last two years. I always realize I will “be okay” and that one slight bump in the road is not necessarily the end of the world.

I have found zen within my soul on a daily basis. I can drive in bumper-to-bumper traffic with a huge smile on my face and tons of love in my heart.

While I have learned to keep my emotions and life in check (for the most part), I still have my moments. I still have anxiety visit me once in a while. It likes to remind me that I still have a lot more growing and healing to do. It reminds me not to look to far into a future that is still so very uncertain.

The best I can do is remind myself to stay in the present moment and realize life will knock me down more times than I would like to admit. The trick is to fall gracefully.

I broke down last week. I lost my composure. I cried in frustration. It was a true moment of weakness for me. I phoned all the people I care about. I let it all out.

I quickly realized I needed help. I didn’t want to admit that I don’t have my life completely together, but then I realized I don’t and that’s totally okay. Like I have said before, we never really have our shit all the way together. Anxieties will always exist and push us to overcome them in the best way we can.

I hate asking for help. I have always thought it was a sign of weakness. I am not sure where I made this idea up, but it is not healthy to think this way. I am at a point in my life where I do need help sometimes and I have a team of loved ones that are willing to lend a hand.

I feel guilty asking for help because I often feel I have nothing to give others.

And this is where my insecurities come in. Giving does not have to come in a monetary package, we give to others each day whether we feel like we do or not. We give each other love, support, service, advice and comfort. Life is a series of constant exchange.

The minute I talked to my team-my friends and family-I realized I am not alone in the world and asking for help is not a sign of cowardice. I realized I add value to the lives of others and I must acknowledge this each and every day.

I also realized that people want to help those they care about and it’s okay to take part in this exchange.

We are all in this together. Although it is easy to let pride get the best of us, help can give us more power than we ever thought possible. Accept help when needed and remember to help others in need. You never know when the next helpful exchange may happen.

Love Deeply and Forever,

Karen

What Happens After the Honeymoon Phase?

honeymoon, honeymoon over, after honeymoon, what happens after honeymoon, love, choose, flaws, reality, fall in loveMost romantic love starts the same. You “fall” head over heals for this other person. You think they fart rainbows and donuts and they are not even a real human.

You put them on this pedestal where nothing they can do is wrong. You want their attention at all costs. You jump up the moment they call or text. You move mountains just so you can see them when they are available.

These moments and feelings are real. The beginning of romantic relationships trigger a part of our brain that releases dopamine and other chemicals called serotonin and noradrenaline.

What happens in us is similar to what happens when people get addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling. We develop OCD symptoms regarding our new crush and we then become toast. We often overlook little details because of the fact that the addiction is so strong and feels so real.

Months go by, oftentimes about a year, and the addiction symptoms secede. Without warning or notice, reality shows up at our doorstep.  The honeymoon officially ends as chemicals begin regaining balance within us.

What happens when the happy chemicals stop firing in our brain?

That little thing he does when he is about to sneeze starts bugging her. That little joking around thing she does with him isn’t so funny anymore. His daring (bad boy) attitude just seems reckless and stupid now. Her hair tossing (that used to be so cute) is just super obnoxious now…

Both partners must then decide whether or not they want their relationship to go on. This is the moment where you can either decide to bond in the form of friendship or you can walk if you don’t desire that bond with this specific person. This new chemical that provides this bond is called oxytocin and not everyone welcomes it when, or if, it shows up.

If you decide to go on with the relationship, you must then deal with all those small details you first overlooked while doped up on this new human being. Can you overlook his stubbornness? Can you overlook her whiny voice?

I chose to. And I will choose the same with the love of my life over and over again. We sometimes disagree on some topics. We sometimes can’t understand the way the other is thinking and feeling but we learn to love each other even harder because of our differences. We try to get it, and if we can’t, we agree to disagree.

We are a team. That’s the bottom line. I chose him as he is, flaws and all, and vice versa. At the end of the day, I rather deal with his flaws than anyone else’s (not that he even has that many!). He has chosen to do the same to this day with me and all I can do is thank him. Thank him for choosing to love me.

At the end of the day, love is a choice. It might feel like we “fall” in love at first, but we choose to love for the long run. We choose our partner’s flaws over all others’.

And that’s the true beauty of it all. Not all love is sustainable after the honeymoon phase, but those that do make it, by deciding to, enter an entirely different phase in their relationship. The phase where you shift from being solely lovers to becoming partners, confidants and best friends who happen to get naked with each other.

Whatever you choose after the honeymoon phase, just know that there is more depth to love than just an initial phase. Love has many phases, all of which can be beautiful, exciting and fulfilling. Always choose love.