When I was 4 years old I knew I was a writer. I would carry notebooks and pens with me everywhere I would go.
Even though no one could actually read my scribbles, I knew pens and papers would always console me. I could create whatever I wanted to create in the confine of my room and no one could ever take that away from me.
When I was in high school, approaching graduation, I had no idea what profession would later become my career. My mom asked me, “What have you always loved? What have you always been good at? That is what your career will be.”
The answer was writing. Teachers always praised me for the art I created on paper. I felt the most confident communicating through written word. I then set out to be a journalist.
Somewhere along the line, my dream was shattered. At 20 something, I am not a journalist. Sure, I have written for numerous newspapers, magazines and publications, but I am not writing for the New York Times.
Although this is true, I once thought not amounting to what I set out to be as a child made me a pure failure. I gave up writing after getting my Master’s Degree. A light inside of me dimmed as I believed I could either be all I wanted to be or nothing at all.
Boy, was I wrong. My heart screams for me to write. Maybe I won’t be a conventional print journalist like I thought, but that doesn’t mean I am no longer a writer. I will always be a writer. It’s just who I am at my core.
So were my dreams ever shattered or did I just become my own worst enemy? I became my own road block! I can’t even begin to understand why or how I did this to myself, but I did, and man, did I become good at it.
We constantly make contracts with ourselves. We say things like, “I’ll never do THAT again,” or “I am NEVER going to let myself feel that again.” We all do it. Think about it. How many contracts have you recited to yourself lately? How many times have these contracts limited you?
I am making a new contract with myself now… I REFUSE to let my contracts dictate my future or hold me back. I will now only make contracts with myself that serve me.
In order for me to reach my full potential I must break and reprogram these contracts which are instilled and created by me and only me. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Life is full of improvisation and compromise and it need not to be viewed negatively or as failure.
I now realize I can alter the concrete plans I mapped out for myself while growing up. Just because you take an unanticipated road, doesn’t mean you will never get to your desired destination. Life is always changing and so are our circumstances. As this is true, we must grow and create change within ourselves before we can begin to change the world.