To All The Girls Who Feel Like They Just Don’t Belongfeatured

Dear You Who Feels Like You Don’t Belong,

You may feel like you don’t belong now, and like the right thing to do is to start hiding away all the parts of you that make you “different.” You may feel like you will never look like the girls on TV or on Instagram. You may feel like all your friends are part of the “cool-kids” club and that you were never sent an invite to join.

You may feel like your eyes are too big, or that the dimples on your legs will never allow you to wear a bathing suit in public. You may even try to straighten your hair so hard that you fry it because that’s what someone told you beauty entailed. You may feel like no one will ever look your way because of your imperfections – inside and out.

You may even fall for the wrong person a few times because you believe that it’s what you deserve. That person may tell you that you can never do better. They may even convince you that it’s true.

Guess what?

If you hide away all the parts of you that make you unique, you will spend years and many hours of therapy trying to uncover those parts of you you once tried to hide so hard.

Believe me, I’m doing it.

Yea, you may never look like the girls on TV, but what you look like is true to only you. I spent years of my youth wishing I had tan skin, I now realize the color of my skin is inconsequential to the woman I have become. Okay, I’ll admit it, I tried on a fake tan the other day just to make sure I wasn’t missing out. Turns out, I’d rather not turn my white towels or bed sheets bright orange.

I’m sorry to break it to ya, but you may never necessarily feel like you’re part of the cool club. I still think many of the people I encounter are part of the cool-kids club, and I am just never going to be cool enough to get invited – And that’s okay. I would rather be the dork that I am singing at the top of my lungs while parked in my garage than a perfectly polished princess that has no fun.

Leg dimples and straight hair are things that will always exist. So will wavy, unruly hair. Let it air dry, I promise you will thank me in the long run. Oh, and for heaven’s sake, don’t dye it bright red. Actually…that may be a mistake you have to learn for yourself. I for sure did not heed the warning. And let’s just say I rocked a bob for a year or so.

Oh… and the falling for the wrong person thing. It happens. Especially to us who feel like we don’t belong. We begin to believe that looking and being different make us undeserving of love.

Sometimes the loneliest times are those spent with people who don’t see us for who we are – or see us at all.

They may tell you that it is a gift to be with them because they are scared, scared that you will one day reach for more and surpass them; that you will one day realize they were not capable of emotional intimacy and that that’s the reason why they made you feel so small (because that’s how they really felt inside all along).

You can do better.

You can leave.

You can start again. And again. And again.

You are strong and beautiful and weird and perfect all at the same time because of all the reasons you do NOT fit in.

While all this may not be clear to you now, please know that many of us once stood exactly where you are standing now. We took the cheap company and thought we were living life to the fullest by partaking in activities that brought us closer to death.

Some of us did not make it, but those of us who did had to choose life and choose to lean on others when our burdens were much too heavy to carry alone; it was probably one of the most painful things we ever had to do.

Staying in toxicity seemed like the easier bet. But we eventually decided to bet on ourselves because we realized we were getting lost in the clouds rather than dancing in the moonlight.

We know we will never belong, but we also know that we wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I’m learning to love the parts of me I once hid.”

Love Deeply and Forever,