Why You Have to Die Before You Can Feel Alive Againfeatured

Who were you during Covid?

I was busy losing my job and any semblance of the version of me I once knew. And as all the layers fell away around me, the ground I once stood so firmly upon dropped out from under me.

Here I was, in a house with no real “purpose” or reason to get up in the morning.

I finally had to sit down with myself and ask myself the question that we often feel uncomfortable asking ourselves, “What do YOU want?”

I knew that before Covid, the only place that ever brought me home to myself was yoga, so I embarked on my first 200-hour online teacher training. I also knew that before Covid, learning always made me feel a sense of responsibility, so I leveled up my professional skills by embarking on a digital marketing certificate program.

I woke up every single day during the pandemic and put on my full face of makeup and comfy/casual clothes as if I was going to meet up with someone. The truth is, I always was. I was going to meet myself over and over again every single day.

And as I showed up to yoga training and my digital marketing course, something began growing inside of me – my sense of purpose.

The job I lost did not define me. The busy routine I filled my days with did not define me. My degree did not define me. The group fitness classes I frequented did not define me.

Humans are too complex to be defined as one thing or a list of running accomplishments.

And I deepened my yoga practice and expanded my mind with new concepts, I realized that I didn’t need to define myself in a limited one-dimensional way.

I needed to let all those limiting definitions die to make room for an ever-evolving version of myself who stood for mental fitness and empowering others on their journeys back to their embodied selves.

As the pandemic slowly drifted away, I stood stronger in my purpose than ever before. I knew I wanted to serve others by helping them stand as strong as I did during the Covid chaos.

Years went on, and life got in the way of my purpose that seemed so clear when everything else dropped away. I took on new roles and routines to fill up my time and welcomed more cognitive labor into my life.

I was still the Covid me underneath it all, but it became easier to smother the fire than to feed it when the rest of the world seemed to be doing the same.

We were so alone with ourselves during the pandemic, we had no choice but to look past our physical reflections in the mirror and look at ourselves on a deeper level. And as the world grew quiet, many of us (not all) were fortunate enough to have our passions usher us through isolated times.

So, who were you during Covid? And how does that relate to who you are right now in this moment?

I can tell you that I felt most alive in the depths of Covid and I am now standing smack dab in the middle of another existential moment. Everything I once believed to be true has completely unraveled and I am standing in front of my mirror once again asking my reflection:

“What do YOU want?”

The response is coming through loud and clear and I have no choice but to feel more alive than ever before. Ready or not, here I come, Universe.

I know the new version of myself is waiting to catch the old version of myself. And that is the only certainty that I need to forge ahead.

Love Deeply and Forever,