Every year since I can remember I have celebrated the entire month of September. Why? Because it’s my birthday month, duh. It’s kind of big deal I was born and an even bigger deal that I am still alive.
I have always enjoyed lavish gifts, outings, and parties as part of the celebration of my birth.
Last year was different. I took the day off work and just hung out with myself. It was spectacular, to say the least. I can honestly say it was the best birthday I have ever had. Call me a loner if you will but a birthday spent alone was far from lonely for me.
I grew up always having horrible birthday parties that I would always end up crying at. Later in life, I even had a birthday party where I nearly died (no really). I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and that’s about all I have to say about that one. Well, it’s technically all I can remember about that one…
Maybe I have just always set myself up for disaster. It could be that I have always been a brat and wanted things a certain way only to be disappointed at any signs of the “special” day being less than perfect.
Yea, whatever the reason, my birthdays have always had a lot of build up as well as a lot of pain.
How could this spoiled little San Diego girl be so sad on her birthdays? The world may never know. One thing I do know is that I don’t even care that today is my birthday.
I didn’t count down the days like I usually do. There were no crazy birthday party invitations that were sealed and/or sent. I was set on spending another birthday like I did last year, alone and extremely content.
I guess this year has been bittersweet. I had a lot of downs this year that left me almost believing in nothing. I had moments where my positivity played a dismal effect instead. Not only that but I am getting reallllllly close to 30.
Am I who I thought I would be by 30? Not. Even. Close.
So this year I have just decided not to care. It’s just another day. It’s just another year. Right?
These were my thoughts until I had a conversation with an angel yesterday. The angel told me that today is definitely a day to celebrate. They told me I have to celebrate that I have the opportunity to live, embrace and experience another year of life. They told me that living almost 30 years is a blessing, not a curse.
The angel also told me that I have many opportunities in front of me and that I should seize them. They told me to never stop believing in myself.
The angel heard the doubt and anguish in my voice at the mention of my 20-something birthday. The angel knew I needed to hear a different perspective. I am glad I listened.
I am thankful for all the angels that surround me each day. They often know me more than I even know myself.
So I guess I do care (a little) that it’s my birthday. More importantly, I think my thoughts have shifted from being completely selfish to being selfless so, naturally, my birthday seems a little less important this year.
This year, my family made birthday plans without me even asking. My friends have looked more forward to my day than I have. What a blessing this feeling is-to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel appreciated, to feel needed.
I have made an impact in the lives of those that matter and that alone is the best birthday gift I have ever received.
No wonder I was so disappointed on all my other birthdays, my objectives were simply misguided. Birthdays are not about creating one special day, but rather creating one special life.
Love Deeply and Forever,