My Therapist Made Me Cry the Other Day & This is Whyfeatured

My last post was all about processing last year. It was a doubt-filled year but it was also a glorious year. I have now had enough time to process it. I’ve looked at the things I want to become, learn, and immerse myself in as I continue to evolve as a human. I did this work through yoga, movement, writing, reflecting, and connecting with myself and others – When I envisioned my future self, I saw this beautiful life I have already created amplified. I saw things that I didn’t even know I wanted. But we can get into all of that another day.

I have done a lot of work over the last 2 months, proactive, healthy, soul-searching work. But while I was doing all of this work, a part of me showed up in an unexpected way…

The part of me that learned at a very young age that the only way she could guarantee positive attention and acknowledgment was by working really hard toward one specific thing.

This little part of me has helped propel me through life. She sees no room for errors, she knows she is fighting for what feels right in her heart, and she is all about justice and fairness. She is the princess of her own fairytale.

And She showed up in the midst of all my inner work.

I can’t say I didn’t invite this part of me to the table. I did, but I did so subconsciously. I knew that she could get a very important job done.

As she worked her magic, I trusted her to do it right and to never look back.

So she did what she has always done. She accomplished the task beyond expectation.

I was very proud of her work on every level. She was ready to be acknowledged, to be told that she is amazing in every way.

She was met with the opposite reaction. No one saw her, no one thanked her, and no one even recognized she was there.

And so I walked around with a heavy head and heavy heart. The girl I had invited to be the hero was basically killed off in the movie she had a leading role in without an explanation. Sad feelings flowed through my body and I just let them flow.

Finally, it was therapy day. I verbally downloaded all the things, the facts, the perceptions, and the feelings.

Can you guess the first words that came out of my therapist’s mouth?

She said: “Have you taken time to give yourself the acknowledgment (credit) you deserve for everything you have accomplished so far?”

My lips trembled. The tears followed. I couldn’t stop crying even if I tried.

What in the world was wrong with me? Why did such a simple question make me cry?

I hadn’t thanked myself, that part of me that felt was killed off. I hadn’t taken a moment to just pause and give myself the affirmation I deserved. And that was where the tears came from. I neglected to see myself, to tell myself everything I did was more than enough.

How could I have overlooked myself so blatantly? How could I have not put myself first?

I took a moment to give myself all the credit and love I deserved.

The moment was powerful. It was spiritual.

It also didn’t fix it all.

While it helped to honor myself. It didn’t mean I didn’t still hurt. But, it was in that moment that I felt compassion toward myself, that I gave myself the affirmations I was expecting from others all along.

You can acknowledge yourself AND still feel a void. But I think that is where the real inner-work lives. In building that relationship with Self to be more loving, more understanding, more gentle every day.

Instead of going going going, without ever taking a moment to pause, without ever seeing the beauty that lives within you, why not hold your soul in your arms and give it a great big hug? Why not speak to the different parts of you in loving ways whenever possible?

I’m learning in my adulthood that self-soothing is important to nurture in a world where there is no black and white, where we will continue to find pain when we feel we’ve fallen short. And we can meet those feelings, work with those feelings, and speak to those feelings when they come up.

I was about ready to kill off that part of me that no one saw. But then I realized that part of me will always live within me. That part of me has made me a better daughter, student, friend, sister, wife, and employee.

That part of me deserves to still be invited to the party. But that part of me also has yet to learn that everything she does – everything she does full of heart and soul – will always be acknowledged, accepted, and supported by the greatest fan of her hard work – Me. And that in itself will always be enough, even when the rest of the world decides it doesn’t agree or doesn’t even see it.

Love Deeply and Forever,

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